Be Careful

Two things are at odds for me as a parent: I want my kids to be safe, but I also want them to be confident and independent. They’re at odds because I know they’ll build judgement and confidence by making mistakes and learning from them. That means injuries are inevitable, both physical and emotional.

I have a constant instinct to tell my son to be careful, but most of the time I don’t. It’s not useful feedback; just noise that drowns out his own intuition. My general rule is that I’ll only intervene if he’s about to cause himself long-term harm.

Instead I try to explain the consequences as clearly as possible, without getting worked up, and then leave the decision up to him. For a kid as stubborn as I am it’s been surprisingly effective. My hope is that trust transfers; that when he finds himself alone, or with friends making questionable choices that he’ll turn inward to answer the question of what is right, not listen to the noise.